Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
