Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
