If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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