I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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