she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
