At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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