where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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