I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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