I don't usually arrange sex via text message
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
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