Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
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i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
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He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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