I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
