i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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