I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
