i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
