I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
