No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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