So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
