My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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