Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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