Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
