Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
