my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
last night I used snow as a chaser
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
