oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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