I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
