he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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