Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
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