fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
