Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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