Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
