you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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