end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize