i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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