so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
