I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
