So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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