Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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