All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
