sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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