I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
