Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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