Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
