I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Randomize
