Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
