the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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