it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
