you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
