he wants to bone in the snuggie
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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