WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
