Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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