sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
