billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
