I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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