Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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