tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
