i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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