I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
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