i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I still have a little drunk in my system
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
