peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
