You're my little dorito
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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