Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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