Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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