she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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