I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
