My friends, they love my intelligence
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
