I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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