i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
