got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
