so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
