Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
