Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
