I accidentally burped into my bong.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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