Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
