She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
