My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
