I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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