Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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