I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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