Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
