I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
