i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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