I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
