I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
