I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize