in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
