he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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