dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
