I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I don't deserve a penis
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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