The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
