they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
