I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
